Late December 31st I sat in the room that is now my office and started to clean out a closet.  I had meant to throw most of the clutter out.  I thought there was nothing there worth keeping.

Instead I found a bit of magic inside.  Piles of letters, beautifully written from an age before email, from friends like this one and this one.   Three hours later, nothing I had intended to do was accomplished.   But I read each and every word.  I was embraced by love, by joy, by wisdom whispered to me across the years.  It was exactly what I needed. 

I have to admit the efficient little gremlin inside was urging me to put the letters aside and save them for a rainy day–to shove them back in the closet or in another one and to get the job done. But I decided not to listen.  No, the closet never got cleaned.  Instead I spent the entire afternoon literally surrounded by paper.  And I am glad.  Because of those letters I sparkled all afternoon.  I still sparkle thinking about them. 

I had started out the day resolving that 2007 would be the year I got organized, the year I got through the chores and felt “on top” of it all.  But by midnight I had changed my resolution.  I decided instead that 2007 would be the year I would try and be more present–that instead of being on top of it all–I would be in it-fully and completely in it.

 As a result, 2007 has been the most beautiful of years.  Each day has unfolded, not always pleasantly, but with a unique magic all its own–a hidden gift somewhere.   Things have happened for Max and I that we would never have imagined last December–things we never could have wished for.  If I had spent the entire year plowing through my closets and checking things off my to-do list I would have missed so much–so many things I never knew I wanted to do.  I would not have started writing again, I would not have dropped everything to run off to the woods, I am not sure I would have found the friends who would teach me to play my own music, who would inspire me and rekindle my creativity.

To be honest, as we approach 2008, I have a long list of things I want to do, things I want to summon into my life.  I also have a long list of things I love about my life right now, things I don’t want to change.  I guess its hard to break those old habits.

But deep in my heart I know now that my happiness for 2008 is not dependent on any of these things coming or staying true. 

I want to eat healthier and I’d like to lose weight.  I want to lounge and find refuge in a community that nourishes me.  I’d like to fall in love, to have more patience with Max, to write, to make music.  I want to go hear people play instruments and I want to dance and sing along.  I would like to take long walks in the woods, to swim naked in the moonlight, to love more, to worry less.  

And these things may or may not happen.  Or they may happen with a twist that could never be foretold.  Or events, people, experiences I never could have dreamt of could take me on wild new adventures.  There is no way to imagine how it will all play out.    But what I learned this year is that it will play out exactly as it should.  All I need to do is to pay attention.

This time of year, I love to make lists of all the things my heart is dreaming of.  I am sure I will do it again tomorrow and in the space between New Years and Chinese New Years, a day that I feel marks my new beginnings more than any other. 

But when my lists are done, I will smile and then I will resolve to breathe and let it all go–to not be attached to any of it–to be open to all of it.   For they are not resolutions.  They are only thoughts, dreams, ideas–things I will allow myself to witness as they bubble up from my heart, give them their due and then let them pass.

For this year, my resolution is simply this. 

I resolve to breathe. 

And then to embrace whatever each breath brings.     

3 Responses to “Resolution”

  1. Jena Strong Says:

    Breathe. And then hold your breath, brace yourself, and dive deep under the moonlit waters. xo Jena

  2. Jen Ballantyne Says:

    So wonderful Meg, (also Jena’s comment, beautiful) I think I will focus on similar things myself as we move into the New Year. Beautifully written and as always touched me and inspired me. Thank you! x PS: The photo is stunning.

  3. Karen Says:

    Even if you don’t embrace it, just remembering to breathe will do it, because there is nothing to hold onto and the next moment arrives on schedule.