I am home now.  Home to the simpler pleasures of my life.  Home to the splash of the kids in the pool, to the sweet kisses of my boy, to the heat of a summer that snuck up on us while we were waiting for spring.  Puerto Rico allowed me to hit a kind of re-set button, to hole away and devout myself entirely to my paid work, to do some different things and in the absence of routine or ritual to see what was really important in my life.

I came home hungry for the simple things–for Max’s hugs, for trips to the grocery store.  I came home hungry for the rumpled sheets on my bed and the sound of the birds outside my window.

Somehow all the other stuff that I had been feeling this spring just felt so far away and I was grounded again.

Last night, after a spontaneous dinner with my across the street neighbors, I went to the local American Legion Hall.  My friend’s band was playing at a luau party and pig roast.  It was a private affair for American Legion members only but I was able to get in by saying “I’m with the band”.  Even in an American Legion hall it still held cache.

We drank $5 pitchers of beer and cut up the dance floor.  At 38, I was the youngest one there.  Most of the couples cutting it up were well into their 70s and I just basked in the glow of them.   I wanted to talk to them to hear their stories but as they gazed into each others eyes I knew that they had no time for me, they saw only each other and the lives that stretched out behind them and the lives that stretched out before them for whatever months, years or decades they would have together.

Later when the band broke down, I stole away for an impromptu gathering at a new friend’s house.  I was exhausted, all but curled up on the sofa, listening to the music played live as a child would, having it lap over me and all but lull me to sleep.  But it felt right to hear it wash over me.  It was right, just as my life is right, exactly as it is.

2 Responses to “Right Exactly as It Is”

  1. WhyMommy Says:

    I’ll have what you’re having.

  2. Jen Ballantyne Says:

    Hi darling and welcome Home. I will email you very shortly, love and hugs Jen xx