Driving home from Tai Sophia the world looked completely different.  Snow had fallen on Tuesday and yesterday a freezing mist had settled in.  The whole world looked white and shrouded in mystery.  The landmarks on my trip home were completely obscured, changed, transformed.  A journey I had taken so many times had become new again. 

This winter I have been sitting in silence alot.  Sometimes I look up and find that I have sat on the edge of the tub for 10 minutes completely lost in the quiet.  I light the candles on my altar and just pause.  I have dove into the unknowing this winter, into the mystery of my life and I feel a little like I am swimming in frozen white mist.  It is so beautiful and even though I am traveling on a well-tread path, my life, once so familiar feels completely transformed and different.

This winter, I feel as though I am coming home to myself.  Is it the old friends who are finding me, reminding me that the me I am becoming, is the same me I have always been?  Is it the comfort with which I am trusting the voice that rises up in me and helps me know that I knew the answer all along?   Is it the dreams I have had of water and rapids and wise old women who speak through their hearts.  Last night I dreamed of darkness, a warmth, I dreamed of arms cradling me and of music, sweet music hushing me to sleep.  “Rest, little one,” my soul whispered.  All will be well and all manner of things shall be well.

I know that soon, the seasons will turn.  Usually at this time of year I am itching for spring.  I am dreaming of long lit days and camping and evenings by the pool.  I am climbing out of my skin with the waiting.  But not this time.  I am overtaken by the moment.

Two nights ago Max and I went out to buy a pair of gloves.  He had misplaced his last pair.  For the last several weeks we have paired together mismatches and made due but when he no longer had a right handed  glove that fit I knew it was time to break down.  Shocked, that even as the snow was falling all our local stores had no gloves.  There were plenty of bathing suits and sun hats and baseball gloves for purchase.  When I asked the nice man about where to find the boys winter gloves he looked at me like I had 3 heads–as though he wanted to say, “Hey lady–the whole world is waiting for spring.  No time to think about winter anymore.”  I shook my head and we went out in the snow empty handed.    Apparently sitting in winter, embracing it to its bitter end is a revolutionary act.

I was a bit agitated as we drove off, as we searched at store after store.  “Why?”  I kept asking my seven year old as though he had all the answers.  “Why can’t we just sit with winter?  Why is everyone in such a rush to let it go?”    Something has shifted in me.  I have come to love winter.

We finally found the last two pairs of gloves left on a clearance rack in a store in Silver Spring.  The last two pair of gloves.  I was tempted to buy both, because of the way Max loses his gloves.  But we only needed one and I wondered if someone else would be thwarted by the fact that the whole world seems to want to operate on fast forward.  I took my chances and we picked up just one pair. 

I am embracing the hush of the last few weeks of winter, the evenings when we have permission to sleep early and wrap ourselves in covers and dreams and music.  I am embracing the mystery of winter, swimming in winter white.

3 Responses to “Winter White”

  1. Jena Says:

    Beautiful post, Meg.

    I cannot resist saying that I am in awe of the fact that you are writing about the end of winter. Just this week, Greg and I were debating whether we have reached the middle yet.


  2. Wendy McDonagh-Valentine Says:

    As I was unloading the dishwasher this morning the thought popped into my head that this is the first winter that I have really stayed in the present moment. I am one of those rare (or so I’ve been told) people that loves this time of the year and all of the hibernating that goes along with it. I think that when you are looking toward spring as soon as the holidays are over it takes away the gifts that nature likes to bestow upon us during this time of year. Snow and frost and icicles are so pretty and take me right back to my childhood before we learned that it wasn’t in the best interest of our health to eat a handful of snow or suck on an icicle that you broke off of the gutter on your house. : ) Thanks for your wonderful words, as always. Wendy McDonagh~Valentine

  3. Jennifer Ballantyne Says:

    My how you have changed since last Winter. I am so proud of you for embracing this time of year as I know it was once very difficult for you. You go girl, your strength and determination are to be admired. I love that you can embrace Winter and all it’s wonders and whilst you are contemplating it’s joys, Spring will sneak on in before you know it! Love you dearly, Jen xxx.