When my little family was breaking up, I realized I could feel adrift and alone or I could adopt the whole world as my family.  I could recognize how tangled our roots are, even as we look like separate trees, even separate gardens above the surface.  

Every now and again, when the whole world is contracting in, closing tight around around the nuclear and I start to drift again I need to remind myself what lies below the surface.  I need to remind myself of the connections between us–the ways that you and I all share the same earth, draw from the same water.  If you dig beneath our roots are entwined.  

Choosing to live this way can be hard, especially when I feel like I just might be the only one who believes in life beneath the surface, the place where all this connection is at hand.  Sometimes I feel like the neighborhood wacko who is caught up in a dream that is not quite real.  Efforts to draw distinctions cut deep.  This is mine.  That is yours.  We are separate.   

Whenever I feel this me/you/us/them/in/out/ dynamic at work it rocks my world.  So much so that I wake up at night with a headache.  It breaks open my heart.  It makes me gasp for breath.  And its not because of some big cosmic world view of community and peace in the world. 

But it’s simply because it was the knowledge that we are all connected, that my family is big and wide that saved me when the illusion of my little family dissolved.    

Lately, I have been finding shining little bits of myself, from Boston to North Carolina, alive and well in the love of friendships long dormant.  Just at a time when I was wondering if I was a crazy old lady dreaming of life in the earth, if the connectedness I had been counting on was yet another illusion, I am finding that the connections go longer and farther and deeper than I dreamed. 

I choose to believe in these connections, even when others try and tell me otherwise.  When someone wants to contain us as a unit I will simply smile.  I know what lies beneath the surface.  I believe in it.  I do.

2 Responses to “Beneath the Suface”

  1. Trish Says:


    Our roots are entwined and we do share the same soil beneath our feet. Families aren’t predicated just by our blood lines or whose families we marry into but the connections that beckon us toward one another and the friendships formed through soul sister sharing. I truly feel a kinship and a close bond with you. When I initially started reading your writings I was struck by your warmth, authenticity and genuine spirit and when we met up it solidified what a beautiful human being you are. Please know that I cradle your kindness close to my heart and that I am so G-R-A-T-E-F-U-L for your presence in my life. If we are a reflection of the people we draw into our lives that I am becoming a better version of myself by knowing you and surrounding myself with your optimism. Very serendipitous that your friend is located outside of Boston where I grew up.

    Much love to you,

  2. Jennifer Ballantyne Says:

    Hi sweetheart, sorry I’ve been out of action for a while. I love this post, I love your bravery, you are a true inspiration. Thank you for reminding me that we are indeed all connected. I know you and I are connected even when we don’t speak for ages. Take care my sweet friend and keep believing in what you know to be true. Love you…xxx