Every now and again I feel it.  That feeling of being completely stuck.  Locked in the same old place.  Not moving forward, not even moving backward.  In the same old place as yesterday and the day before and I wonder when it will ever change and if I will ever figure it out?  The magical, mysterious key to it all, the one that will set me forward on my path to somewhere else.

So much energy goes into the basics, the eating and the sleeping and the getting ourselves from here to there.  So much energy goes into the breathing and the bathing and the simple stuff.  Overwhelmed  I ask myself, “Is this all there is?”

And the answer comes back a resounding YES.  Yes, this all there is.  Whatever is happening in my rather unromantic and mundane life right now–thats all there is.  Everything else…just a memory or a dream.  A whispery unreal ghost of a something…a phantom that can be grasped but not real.

Stuck, moving its really all an illusion.  Afterall I simply am where I am.  I could sit for hours and contemplate my stuckness…ponder why I am here still and when will I get the energy to move there.  Truth is I do it a lot.  But I have been finding that to be a maddening place and a place that just makes me want to tear my hair out.

So I just get up and do something.

I play my guitar.

I do the laundry.

I empty the dishwasher and fill it up again.

I write.

I work.

I kiss my child, pack his lunch, ask him about his day.

I pay the bills, though it pains me.

I fill up a garbage bag with things to give away.

I make a list of chores to do and do one of them, then cross it off with a fat marker.  Maybe I do another.

And interestingly enough, I find that I am miraculously someplace else entirely.  If only an inch away.

2 Responses to “Stuck”

  1. Jennifer Ballantyne Says:

    Oh darling I know exactly how you feel. Obviously that is because you write what people feel and think so beautifully! Oh how I wish we could get unstuck enough and have enough money to fly over to see each other and share some time together. I am going to start buying lotto tickets, one per week and they are specifically for getting over to visit you! We can always hope while we are stuck. Hope is something that we can call on or summon up even when we are in the most stuck place. Here’s to moving forward, even an inch. Love you dearly xxx.

  2. Karen Maezen Miller Says:

    I was so relieved when I saw the answer to your question. YES. We are never stuck; we only think we are. What looks like an inch is an eternity.