“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”

-Henry Miller

Ever since I saw this quote on my friend Kaiya’s refridgerator, I have been rolling it over in my mouth, tasting it, savoring it. I have been sitting with it and looking it in the eye. I have been sipping it like tea, taking it in bit by bit and letting it wash over me. I am still letting it seap into the cracks in my heart.

This requires me to be very still. And not to think. It requires me to walk and put my feet firmly on the ground and throw my head to the sky and breathe in the air, the rainy, misty, cold spring air. It requires me to play a song badly and to hear all the rough, muffled notes without judgment. To laugh heartily. It requires me to gaze into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I have ever seen and simply see them, to recognize them not as ancient and old and from lifetimes ago, not to wonder about their past or their future, but for what they are now at this moment. Beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful.

The other day my friend Jen stopped me in the hallway at school. “How are you?” she asked me. She knew the answer. I am working through demons and walking on a tightrope. I am perfectly fine and falling apart all at the same time. I am wrestling with concepts so simple they are revolutionary. Concepts that are both turning my insides out and stunning me with their obvious plain-facedness.

Simply put, I am wrestling with the nature of hope and love. Or rather I am awash in the wonder of these things. Honestly, on most days I am confounded and have stopped thinking I need to have all the answers. To simply sit with the questions seems to be enough, I guess.

One Response to “Joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely”

  1. FreedomFirst Says:

    “I am perfectly fine and falling apart all at the same time.”

    Boy, do I know that feeling. Good luck with everything.