We are back at home. All is back to normal at last, all except for the fact that my internet is down. I have to say that it is a happy problem to have. While terribly inconvenient, it has been a relief to settle back into routine without this computer calling to me. I have never been more productive.
I have a very mixed relationship with the internet and this computer. On the one hand, this blog, my network of my favorite bloggers–it has opened up a whole wide world of connection to me. That connection has been a life line. Facebook too has opened new adventures for me–bringing me back into contact with people I never thought I would ever see again. But yet, when I am without these connections I am profoundly aware of how I when I plug in to the virtual world, I am unplugged from my real world. I spend endless hours here online avoiding what is in here front of me that needs my attention.
Like all that snow that still needs to be dug out. Or the garbage that needs to be cleared. Or the endless piles of paper that find their way into my house.
Without my internet, I have been making lists and tackling them, continuing a never ending clearing of my house. Closets, drawers, countertops and desks. Once upon a time I thought all I needed was a couple of good days, a will to unclutter and some bins for goodwill, some trash bags. Now I know that there is no moment when my house will be really clear, when it will be permanently clutter free. Once upon a time that realization might have depressed me, the knowledge that I might not ever reach a promised land, but now I have settled into the practice. I declutter because its what I do. Because the letting go is the point. Because making room for emptiness is good.
Its a journey of discovery, this letting go. It is like an onion. No matter how much I clear, I find something else that needs to go. No matter how present I am to my life, I find that things (like the internet) take my attention away. Its fascinating and silly and delightful to learn this. I just notice and then let it go.